The other day, I attended a therapy session with my Garden Gnome. The therapist spoke about thoughts that are just that. They are thoughts. They do not define us. They are not the reality. They are just thoughts to be acknowledged with the words “I’m having a thought that xxxxx”. Now this is something that I honestly believe. Our minds are devious little buggers that wield so much power in our lives and I am constantly trying to tame mine and bring it to heel.
However, yesterday my thoughts were as grey as the picture above (taken on Phillip Island in Victoria on a typical winter’s day). As I sat working on my first chapter and my book proposal, I had a thought. Well more than one really. “What do I think I am doing”? “I’m not qualified to write any of this”. “It’s just another book on depression in an already flooded market”. “What makes me so special”? “I’m only setting myself up to fail”. “Get a grip on reality girl” and my all-time favourite “You know you’ll never make it, so why bother”? So there I sat in 33° celcius heat in my little (and very messy and cluttered) craft/computer room with my fingers on the keyboard, willing them to keep on typing and ignore the thoughts tumbling through my mind. But they kept attacking “How can you sell your idea when you don’t have the credentials”? That one was the kicker. You’re right ‘thought’, I’m not a doctor or a psychologist. I don’t have a degree. I do have a Diploma in Disabilities and Cert 3 & 4 in Fitness but they aren’t exactly the go-to qualifications for those writing about living with depression are they? So my mind began trying to talk me out of it. It doesn’t believe that so many things have come together in such a way that I believe I am on the right path. (Deepak Chopra calls this Synchronicity). My rational mind is being rational and urging me to give up my dream and my emotional mind is telling me to not ignore what I know to be true and keep going. I keep having thoughts.
Miss-almost-twelve-going-on-twenty-five comes in whilst I am writing and looks over my shoulder. She encourages me to keep going. She is proud of what I am doing. I think she secretly wants to brag to her friends at school that her mum is a writer – with a book! 🙂 But her encouragement is wonderful. The Garden Gnome is quietly supportive and gives me lots of things to include. He is ready to answer any questions I throw at him in order to provide his own insights. I’m grateful for them both. They are my blessings.
So now that I have rambled and purged myself of my inner dialogues, I feel that some of the greyness has lifted. Thank you for listening and being a blessing also. Today is going to be another scorcher and I have housework to do before it gets too hot to work comfortably. (What happened to Spring *sigh*). I want to go out and take some more photos of my garden as well. The hippeastrums are in full bloom and they always put on a gorgeous show. I will sit at my keyboard again this afternoon and work on my book proposal and keep reminding myself “I am having a thought about…..”