I didn’t mean to…

This evening, I’m a bit down on myself. Today someone said something to me that hurt. In doing so, she pointed out a flaw in my character and damn it, I’ve spent so long trying to fix my flaws that this one wasn’t something I expected. I also didn’t expect those words to come from her. What made it worse was when I came home and told the Garden Gnome about the conversation, he looked at me and said “You don’t realise you do this do you”? Does he think that if I did, I would continue to do it? My intention is not to show off or try to be better than anyone. I just share my thoughts and desires during conversation. I certainly don’t intend to hurt anyone. The rational part of my brain is telling me that she shouldn’t be projecting what is happening in her life onto me. I shouldn’t feel guilty. But I do…. and it hurts….

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28 thoughts on “I didn’t mean to…

  1. I don’t believe in character flaws; you are you, and you are just the way you are meant to be. Unless there is some kind of disorder that needs treatment, like a violent temper, don’t try to fix yourself – you don’t need fixing. As for people pointing out something they don’t like in you, that kind of behaviour normally stems from their own insecurity. Imagine they had said it about themselves; that is what they were really saying. Don’t be down about this, be happy with yourself 🙂

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  2. Unfortunately you can’t stop the way people act towards you but you can control your reaction. As hard as it is don’t take it on board be happy in your achievements . Easy to say I know – says she that over analyses everything 🙂 I read a quote somewhere in my internet travels and it said something about only the sensitive and caring get hurt.so, I’d take that as a very positive personality trait. 🙂

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    1. I do over analyse. I hate to hurt people and if there is something that I do or say that upsets them then that hurts me.
      Thinking about it now I realise that she was projecting her hurts onto me but she still made a valid point with the name that she called me.

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  3. Be who you are. The problem lies withing the person pointing out your “flaws”. We aren’t perfect, and I would bet this person has many flaws too. As said in many other comments, we can’t control what kind of poison comes from another’s mouth, we can only control how we react to it. Hope you are feeling better today!

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    1. What she called me was hurtful because I never saw myself in that way. It’s certainly not something I intentionally do (or say).
      I am feeling a little better (and wiser) today. Thanks 🙂

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  4. Hugs! Sometimes we hurt others when we don’t mean to. Others are overly sensitive from their own “tapes” running in their heads. Relationships no matter who they’re with are not easy sometimes.

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  5. I’m sorry it hurts Suz, it will get better. There is a lot of good advice here from the other commenters. I too believe that we can’t control what others say or do, only our responce to it, I learned that in a therapy class years ago, it’s hard to do though but practice makes perfect, so they say 🙂

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    1. What upset me Eric was the thought that I had inadvertently hurt another person. I hate hurting anyone. It also hurt to think that there was something undesirable in my character. When do we stop learning in life?

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      1. its a daily requirement to get along and to be considerate. Sometimes another person is needy in an area that I miss. Usually it works out. I had an issue last week. I just said “Are you okay with what I said? ” After a minute of hearing no, I head yes. It was something that the other guy needed to say aloud it seemed.

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  6. You did the right thing Suz by keeping your cool. Sometimes people do not think before they speak. Two wrongs don’t make a right! H hurt my feelings the other day when he commented ‘not so very nicely’ about my hair. I had just had it trimmed and my bangs recut because I was not happy letting them grow out. I was also feeling very good about the ‘new do’. In reciprocation I lashed out and said something negative about his ‘not so very much hair’. Now I feel bad about that. I should have let it roll off my back, but you know how hard that is to do.

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    1. I quietly explained why I had said what I did and apologised for hurting her. (I must point out that what I said was just something in general conversation and was not aimed at anyone. We were talking about Christmas gifts actually).
      I realise that she is hurting right now and I just happened to be on the receiving end of it. However, I should work on the flaw she pointed out.

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  7. Spoken (and thought) like a true Empathy Queen. We are so careful about how we speak, think and treat others, that when the hurtful words come out they keep playing on that nasty loop that obsesses to the excesses of our feelings.

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    1. Thank you for understanding. It did really hurt. Although what I said was taken out of context, I was upset that I had hurt someone. And yes, I kept it on a loop for a while. 😦

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  8. Heres the honest truth. It wouldn’t hurt you if you weren’t a good person who examines herself and wants to be good. Many people reject criticism without even considering it, becuase they believe they are superior. You take it to heart, AKA you’re a good person. Lighten up on yourself. It’s okay to be flawed. Consider everyone else, afterall…..
    Hugz~

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