Yesterday, I received some bad news. I had been hoping, longing and building myself up for the delivery of good news. News that would fulfill my dreams and show me that I was on the right path. News that would change my life as I know it. I waited by the phone and checked my email constantly. The Tween (my biggest cheerleader) was messaging me and asking if I had heard anything yet. I ate lunch with my phone beside me, willing it to ring. As the hours moved on I figured that the phone call wasn’t going to come so I kept checking my email. Then the email arrived that sent my dreams into a tailspin. I did not win. I wasn’t even a runner up. My heart and mind began their bickering with my mind acting superior by hurling taunts of “I told you so”. My heart closed itself off to hide the fact that it was breaking. My mind began telling my heart to face reality and stop dreaming. I continued the rest of my afternoon at work on autopilot before walking in the door that afternoon and going straight to my bedroom to lay down. If I napped, my heart and mind would quieten and silence might ensue. It did for a short while and then I emerged from my bedroom and into the arms of my Tween who was waiting for me. She just held me. And I was blessed.
With a full night’s sleep under my belt I can now analyse objectively. I can develop my gratitude. Although it is difficult to find reasons for gratitude amongst the pain of broken dreams right now, I know they are there. I still hold fast to my dreams, (take that mind!) I just need to find a different path in order to achieve them. The path may need to be broken down into stepping stones but I will persevere. So what can I find to be grateful about? Through the processes of this competition I have learned valuable skills. Skills that can be expanded upon and honed. I am grateful for learning new things. I am grateful for the support team I have in my home – the Garden Gnome and the Tween. I am grateful that each day is a new opportunity for trying new things.
I write often about gratitude and its importance in healing. Although I have learned this through the process of applying it in my life previously, every so often a speed bump comes along that tests my theories. Physician heal thyself. I am and it is working.
I am grateful for speed bumps. Without speed bumps plain sailing would become so boring!
Have a blessed day. 🙂