The Language of Love – Part Two

The Garden Gnome spending quality time with the grandchildren

Yesterday, I began my series on The Five Love Languages. This is a book by Gary Chapman that was a New York Times Best Seller. Gary has a website and a blog. The blog posts are very interesting as they are in a question and answer format and easily readable.
I erroneously stated in my last post that the language of Affirmation was not the primary language of my GG. This morning, I pulled out the quiz he took for me and found that it actually is his primary language. 😳 Just as well I do it anyway 😉
The language we are going to discuss today comes in at third place on his list however tied for first on my list 🙂

The second Love Language: Quality Time
 The first thing we need to do here is define exactly what ‘quality time’ is.

Quality Time

noun

noun: quality time

1.

time in which one’s child, partner, or other loved person receives one’s undivided attention, in such a way as to strengthen the relationship.

Sounds easy doesn’t it? Spending time with those we love is something we do every day right? We eat meals together, watch tv together, run errands together. The list really is exhaustive. However just because we are together doing things doesn’t make that quality time.
Spending quality time with a person we love is our way of showing just how important they are to us. Turn the tv off and actually look at your partner or child whilst you are discussing things. For those of us who speak this language of love it’s a big thing to be acknowledged and made a priority. My favourite times last year were the afternoons we drove for an hour to go to an appointment together. Sometimes the time together was spent in companionable silence but often we took the time to talk – really talk… about our hopes, dreams and fears. We learned about each other and spent time with each other without outside distractions.
When giving your loved one your undivided attention – it means just that. Remove or ignore distractions. When someone you love keeps checking the television for the latest update on the football game whilst talking to you, that can be hurtful. Learn to listen.
There are wonderful tips out there for learning to listen but I am going to direct you to an amazing post by a fantastic woman. Winifred writes the blog “Speaking of Marriage” and the other day she wrote Twelve Essential Qualities of Masterful Listening. I urge you to read this and try your best to put these tips into practice. In every relationship – not just with those we are married to 😉
The one thing we really need to remember is that listening is exactly that. LISTENING

It isn’t about thinking what to say next or interrupting with our own thoughts. Listening is making sure that what the other person is saying is of the utmost importance to you at that particular moment in your life.

Now that we’ve discussed listening, let’s talk a little more about quality time. How do you know whether your partner’s primary Love Language is Quality Time?
Listen for clues
If you are speaking words of affirmation to your partner. If you are doing little things for them all the time or buying gifts and they say “We never spend any time together” or “Why are you always on the computer” or “We used to go out more often”? Then there is every chance that Quality Time is the primary love language for them.

The essence of quality time

This is about the time you are spending together without allowing outside distractions to intervene. If you go to the movies together, it’s the little things like ensuring the focus is on your relationship rather than the great movie you are about to see that makes it a quality thing. Whilst the movie may be awesome, it is enjoying the time spent with each other that counts. Like I said before about the car trips to the appointments, it was the fact we had each others undivided attention that was important.

Dialogue

Active listening, asking questions and making the person you are with feel like they are all that matters right now is spending quality time together.

So… take the time to find out exactly what the love of your life enjoys doing (if Quality Time is their thing) and then plan that together. The Garden Gnome and I love to travel. We are going to plan a trip together (with the Tween) but the planning is the important thing. It means quality time. You don’t have to wine and dine your love (although in some cases, that is highly recommended 🙂 ) quality time can be just spreading maps out on the floor and poring over them together.

It’s the act of doing things together that is important.