Who I am

ImageI’ve had a rough past week that involved a lot of soul searching and thought. I won’t go into the reasons this was all bought on however my reaction to it was definitely exacerbated by the cicadas in my head and the headspins that strike without warning. I have spent a lot of time in tears that are too close to the surface of late. I’ve written some introspective blog posts for OM at Harsh Reality and I’ve enjoyed my time there. Every opportunity to share my ramblings is gratefully accepted.
Yesterday as I sat at my sewing machine finishing off the lap quilt I have been working on (photos to come in another post) and listening to music, I was alone with the thoughts in my head. The Tween and the Garden Gnome had gone out to exchange the school shoes we had purchased the day before, the cat had taken herself off somewhere (possibly behind the curtain), the bird was happy trilling to itself in the mirror so I was on my own. It’s nice sometimes to just be. I began to think about who I am and decided I would post it.

I am Sue. This year I will be 49 years of age. Getting close to 50 but I’m not worried about this at all. Of course my body isn’t holding up terribly well and I know that part of that is my fault. I should be doing more exercise but I don’t. There is always some excuse to get me out of it. I make every attempt at eating well but sometimes need sugar. I am overweight and whilst I am not happy looking at photos of myself, it is what it is right now.
I like to laugh. I don’t laugh quietly. When I laugh, everyone knows that I am laughing. I laugh at things others don’t find funny. I can laugh at the same television commercial every time I see it. I see humour in places that are not obvious to any but the hamsters in my brain.
I cry. I can cry on command these days. I am not ashamed to have tears running down my cheeks watching a movie or even at television shows. Although my family laughed at me for crying in an episode of Home and Away one time. Apparently the only thing that should make you cry in that show is the bad acting. 😛 (apologies to all who have left that show and gone on to Hollywood – particularly you Chris Hemsworth 😉 ). Watching the news can be heartbreaking for me. Human suffering affects me in no small way.
I want to help others. I will help others in any way that they wish. I can (and have) be/been taken advantage of. I have adopted the mantra of “How can I serve”?
I love my family. I will do almost anything for my family (except break the law). My family is more important than my work. I have never stopped being a mother – even now that my oldest two are married adults and we have grandchildren. I worry about each one of them and the problems they are having.I take too much upon myself instead of letting things go. I want to fix everything. I am fully aware that I need to step back at times but it’s a learning process. I worry about others in my family (including my in-laws) and wish there was more I could do to help.
I am creative. My craft room is full of my creative endeavours. I go through phases with these and will work on something for some time and then put it aside and start something else. I have UFOs (unfinished objects for those of you who had visions of ET) hiding in my cupboard. I sew, paint, cross stitch, crochet, scrapbook, make cards, stamp and collage. I enjoy digital art and manipulation and have some of my art hanging on our walls here at home.
I write. I have spent most of my life writing. I have half finished notebooks all over the house. The GG just rolls his eyes when he sees me heading toward a stationery store such as Typo. Writing is an outlet for me. Just writing this is setting the tone for the coming day. I have a goal to publish my books and to tour the world speaking to others about becoming a better them.
I love to travel. I want to travel Europe.
I can be messy and cluttered but function well when I am organised a little better. I like routine and structure. I don’t cope well with change. I need time to process change to see whether the change is a good thing or a bad thing. Then I will make the changes necessary.
I often don’t think before the words tumble forth from my mouth. I would never knowingly hurt anyone. I would never, ever try to ‘rub someone’s nose’ in anything. I am not like that.
I have hoarding tendencies but work hard to overcome them. I love buying new clothes and will wear them until they don’t sit right or I see photos of me wearing something and don’t like the way it looks then I will put it in the charity bag.
I give to charity. I have a sponsor child in Zambia called Lucy and I love getting photos of her continued growth. We also give regularly to many other charities close to our heart. If I can help, I will help. I donate clothing and items no longer needed to wherever I think they can be used.
I love nature. I enjoy watching and listening to birds. I love waterfalls and the sound of running water. My favourite places to visit are sanctuaries and zoos.
I admire beautiful architecture. I look for the beauty that is all around us each day.
I enjoy photography. It is creative and I find great joy in capturing the beauty that is all around. I’m not very good at it and struggle with understanding aperture and shutter speeds however I get by.
I don’t cope well with people who do stupid things that lack common sense. I often talk to the television during Home and Away and berate the stupidity of the characters. I have no time for selfishness and open cattiness. (Anyone watching the current episodes of My Kitchen Rules in Australia will know which couples are rubbing me up the wrong way right now).
I can’t sit idly by and watch a train wreck situation. I need to walk away.
I get embarrassed when others engage in embarrassing situations or conversations.
I believe in the power of being positive and self encouragement. I believe all people are worthy. They are beautiful creations. I believe that somewhere inside everyone there is good.
I accept everyone at face value. That is not always a good thing.
I believe I am intelligent. I will think things through and like to look at issues objectively. I am able to see both sides of the fence in any argument. I have strong beliefs in some areas and whilst I can see your point of view, it doesn’t mean that I agree with it.
I expect the same respect from others that I show to them.
I try not to take things out on others. It’s not their fault I’m having a bad day and I don’t disguise my emotions well. I don’t play poker – for obvious reasons. 🙂

I am a myriad of other things that I’ve probably forgotten but in the end I am me!!

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63 thoughts on “Who I am

  1. Thank you for sharing who you are- I think from reading you everyday I already knew you- sensitive, caring, thoughtful, aware, creative, loving, introspective and honest about who you are which allows you to connect with people on a deep level. I am so glad I have come to know you Sue.

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  2. You sound like a lovely person….and if you ever make it to Europe you’re welcome in my home in Holland! Although of all of Europe, I guess I would choose some warmer countries with nicer weather!! Thank you for your open post….perhaps I will do the same.

    I also hope that whatever is bringing you tears is resolved, or that you can let go of it. Sending you best wishes.

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  3. This is REALLY super Sue – I like it a lot… 😉
    PS – Looking at the pics of you – You do not look nearly fifty years old to me – I was guessing somewhere ROUND 40 – 43? Funny thing that.
    There is so much on here I can relate to – and yes – it is really inspiring to write something similar! (I probably won’t – )
    I feel ashamed for causing you embarrassment – sorry Sue. Bad move.
    Bless you and all your dreams Chickie-di 😀

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      1. pfft – I am not as open and honest as you 😉 lol! but yeah – I may give it a bash – problem is – If I start I would probably try justify stuff. Stupid right? 😉
        I have an idea brewing —hmmmm — iron sharps iron right.

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  4. Oh Sue, I am so glad we found each other! I love how you cheer me on and I want to cheer you on too! You express yourself so well. Awesome blog and I hope someday to maybe meet! It’d be awesome! Oh geeze, I am using awesome like a MKR guy. Hope that doesn’t bother you too much!

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    1. Thank you. I hope and can continue to cheer others on now that I have gotten over this speed bump. 🙂
      And as for MKR – he is a train wreck but the well travelled friends are really doing my head in. lol

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  5. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a rough week. I’ve fretted away too much precious time over what other people think. We all see the world through our own agendas and issues. You seem to have a strong inner core, listen to it. Thinking about what people say, I was prompted to write a commando post. xx

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  6. I’m sorry to hear that you had a bad week. I hope telling us about yourself was a cathartic release. My mentor years ago encouraged me to do that often, and it was good to get what I was feeling and dealing with out on paper. We have a lot of things in common, Sue, and I’m glad we’ve met. Blessings, Natalie 🙂

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  7. Sorry to hear about your week but thank you for sharing! From what I know about you, you are a kind and caring person and I feel blessed to be getting to know you better.

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  8. This is so beautiful Suzy. You’re amazing! Acceptance of where we are is so important, and it is such a DIFFICULT thing to do at times. Especially when we sense within ourselves that we may be judged and cast aside.

    If we do not acknowledge where we are, then we cannot move forward.

    I especially admire the way you have taken responsibility for your circumstances, the positive parts and the not so.

    I really relate to your writing and thank you for having the courage to share so openly!

    Miss Lou
    xx

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  9. Sue what a beautifully honest post and now I feel I know you much better. You are a multi-talented lady with much to give the world. Good luck on all your ventures.

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  10. Sorry to hear you’ve been having a bad week, Sue, such a pity we never connected when I lived in Boonah. All we can be is ourselves and accept ourselves as we are, kindness to others never goes amiss, but kindness to ourselves is good for our souls. xxx

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  11. Thank you for sharing from your heart Sue! You always do and that’s what makes you a beautiful human being 🙂 Having a great sense of humour is also a plus!
    p.s. watch out for those pesky hormones too …. when I started going through menopause I seriously thought I was going insane!

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  12. You know, you do a wonderful job of portraying yourself in your posts. Before you wrote this post, I could see you crying about something others wouldn’t understand. I could see you being tickled pink about something you see on TV.

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    1. Thank you Glynis. My family don’t understand my sense of humour at times lol And yes, I cry at some of the silliest things. Would you believe I cried watching a video on another blog of a little girl playing in the rain?
      Dang hormones!!! 😀

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  13. I am going to do exactly what you DON’T want, which is to be a Mars-Dude and try to help you solve your “problem.” To quote the great fictions Austen Powers, “I’m a man, man.”

    Ever heard of this book?:http://www.amazon.ca/Happiness-Works-Get-Yours-Here/dp/0986704407

    The author is a colleague of mine. Surprisingly nice fellow, especially given that he’s a fighter pilot! Let me know if you’re ever interested in having a read and I’ll send you my copy.

    Cheers, Sue. You’re wonderful just as you are, and I for one wouldn’t change you (other than to take any sadness away).

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    1. Hey, if I can quote Spock in an email to B then you can quote Austin Powers. 😀
      Nav, I’ve never read the book but it sounds wonderful. Thank you for the beautiful offer offer of posting it to me to read but in the scheme of things (and all things costing $$$) it would probably work out cheaper to purchase my own copy. Unless of course, you were going to also send a signed copy of your own tome 😉 (just kidding).
      Thanks my friend for everything.

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  14. Thank you for this beautiful post, it helped to get to know you even more. You are a blessing to your family and to all of us who have gotten to know you through social media. We share many traits and habits – I especially identify with always giving and having to learn self-care! When I read your post, I thought about my own crying, weight gain and introspective journey I began a few years ago (at your same age) as I entered peri-menopause! Be well and I hope this week is improving?

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  15. Hi Sue,

    As I mentioned in my recent post (to the masses, not to you), I’ve been meaning to visit a good while now. Just after I agreed to guest write for OM, life happened – in a nosedive of course. I haven’t been able to find my hair let alone visit the other guests.

    “When I laugh, everyone knows that I am laughing.”

    LOVE this HA HA HA. I am so glad you are able to connect with souls that cry and laugh just like you wherever you write. You bless us with a beautiful spirit. Keep up the great blogging, and hang TiGhT.

    Xxx
    Diana

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    1. I know that feeling Diana (being so busy). Thanks for dropping by. I haven’t had an opportunity to read your posts just yet. They are in my inbox and waiting patiently.
      Thanks also for your encouraging words. 🙂

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  16. I had a rough couple of days–well, actually more than that. It produced a bunch of anxiety because I didn’t want to slip back into the pit of depression. I kept saying over and over, this is only temporary, everybody has bad days, this is only temporary.

    So sorry to hear you had a rough week.

    You know what? We are the same about a lot of things. I don’t feel like being a writer, but I could almost say all the things about myself that you wrote. I snort when I laugh hard. I laugh at inappropriate times too.

    Look forward, this is only temporary–unless your doctors don’t exterminate those cicadas.

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      1. Ha ha… I don’t know April. Wisdom I think is learned not earned through age 🙂
        I’m still having tests but the ENT pretty much told me I’ll have the cicadas for life now. It just learning to live with them. They’re trying to get to the bottom of the head spins and stuff right now though.
        And I am sooooo pleased that you kept telling yourself that everyone has bad days because it is true. 🙂

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        1. Sending all my positive energy to you. I am one of those who go nuts with a repetitive noise–I’m sure I have blogged about it. I had a problem with head spins, but it was only while lying down, and upon rising from bed. That was an easy fix, thankfully. I hope you feel better soon!

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