This post was a re-blog of a guest post written for Opinionated Man. I have noticed that he has since made these blogs private so I will re-write the post.What is abuse?
Abuse is defined as the cruel and violent treatment of others. However not all abuse is violent. Sometimes abuse is subtle and leaves nothing visible to the naked eye.
Just a word is enough to cut deep. And before the would has had opportunity to heal, the scab is broken by further words. The words are joined by mind games.
“You’d look much better with liposuction” or “What kind of mother are you”?
Over time the would begins to widen and self esteem begins to leech away. Guilt begins to seep in to bandage the wound with its grimy fingers. Self doubt sits on your shoulder and whispers in your ear “He’s right you know”.
And the destruction of self begins……
You begin to question why you are this way and take steps to change. “Maybe if I became a better wife”? or “I’ll pray for God to help me become the person he wants”. Your mind warps and changes because if you really are this bad, then you are so lucky to have someone who loves you like him because nobody else would want someone as damaged as this. You begin to tread the path of self-improvement to meet his approval. You try. Oh how you try to be the best you can be.
Whispered words from others (not meant for your ears) begin to seep through but you won’t believe them. He wouldn’t lie to you. Telling yourself that marriage is forever and if there are problems they can be fixed by you, you work harder at becoming perfect. If you are perfect the words will stop. The never ending attack upon your soul and self esteem. The cracks that begin appearing are plastered with the lies you are telling yourself. You continue to believe his promises of change until the day comes that your child bravely places himself between you and him as shouted voices sally forth above his head. The child pushes his father from the room and shuts the door. Then the day comes that you look into the eyes of your daughter and see fear reflected back at the man she calls “Daddy”.
Then the lioness protecting her cubs springs into action and the door closes on that chapter of your life. But you don’t count on it taking years to learn how to be you again. You don’t realise that those wounds need to heal and that scar tissue itself can cause pain.
No. Abuse doesn’t always leave bruises but it certainly leaves scars.