What do you do when you are presented with the facts that you are showing exactly the same traits yourself as those that you have difficulty in accepting in others?
You do what any other self respecting person that has depression nipping at their heels does –
You go to bed and hide away from the world. Only it’s too hot to pull up the sheets so you lay there exposed to the world.
And whilst you are waiting for sleep to claim you, your mind tumbles over conversations and theories and you reach the conclusion that the world probably would be a better place without you. You entertain these thoughts for some time and wonder if you might even go through with it this time.
After all, you obviously have some deficit in your personality that makes you this way. It’s not as if the person who loves you and has stood beside you for the past countless years is pointing out something new. It’s been pointed out to you before by others who don’t have the same vested interest in you. Therefore, there must be something terribly wrong with you.
But it’s not just the personality flaws that eat away at your soul.
It is the knowledge that your health is not what it should be.
You know in your head what needs to be done to overcome this.
Exercise will heal your body and your soul.
YOU KNOW THIS!
Yet you continue to lay there the next morning when you wake (after tossing and turning all night) and will your body to move.
Beginning a conversation with yourself you decide to do it another time.
When you have greater motivation.
Just another nail in the coffin of your failure to be a normal human being.
You love to help others. It gives you the greatest sense of satisfaction and sense of well-being.
(as was pointed out to you by the love of your life) how can you help others when you, yourself are so flawed?
Your heart weeps as you acknowledge the truth of his words.
So you withdraw deeper into yourself searching for answers.
The answers are there. You have it all in your head.
It’s in your writings.
It’s in the words you speak with others.
You need to heal yourself.