The past few days have been interesting for me.
I have learned that my perceptions of myself are not entirely true.
It is true that we are our own harshest critics. We see our failings and magnify them ten-fold within our minds.
We wonder how others can engage in conversation with us knowing what we are.
We see flaws.
The mistakes we make are not just small. They take on a life of their own feeding upon our own insecurities until they become so large that they distort our vision of the world – and how the world sees us.
We begin to believe that we don’t fit in.
Nobody really likes us.
We don’t really matter in the scheme of things.
We become the voice on the other end of the phone or the face at the counter.
Our position is insignificant. It has no power.
And the mind shows once again that we are its slaves and not its master.
Nothing has any meaning until you assign meaning to it.
This is something I have learned as part of my studies and one that I am working hard to apply to my life.
I have always been under the impression in my working life that I was never good enough. I didn’t fit in with anyone else. That I was just “Sue” in the front office.
And the events of the past two days has made me cry and reevaluate the meaning that I have assigned to conversations, people and events over the past six and a half years.
A memo was sent out at work informing staff that I had resigned and advertising the position vacancy.
My co-workers have been shocked and have expressed that in a number of ways. The funniest was being met at my car in the car park yesterday morning by a co-worker brandishing the memo and saying “What the f*** is this”? She then wished me luck and went on her way.
Since the memo has been circulated I have felt appreciated.
And I’ve got to say that it’s a good way to feel.
All along I have been placing my perceptions onto things. Perceptions that were incorrect in a lot of cases.
I have learned that self doubt and negative self talk is not good.
I have learned that I need to be kinder to myself.
I have learned that often what we think of ourselves is nowhere near the truth.
I have learned that I am a good person.
I have learned that when we take a situation and magnify it with our perceptions of what we believe it should be it, it becomes distorted.
I have learned that I was wrong.
And I feel great!