The past few days have been interesting for me.
I have learned that my perceptions of myself are not entirely true.
It is true that we are our own harshest critics. We see our failings and magnify them ten-fold within our minds.
We wonder how others can engage in conversation with us knowing what we are.
We see flaws.
The mistakes we make are not just small. They take on a life of their own feeding upon our own insecurities until they become so large that they distort our vision of the world – and how the world sees us.
We begin to believe that we don’t fit in.
Nobody really likes us.
We don’t really matter in the scheme of things.
We become the voice on the other end of the phone or the face at the counter.
Our position is insignificant. It has no power.
And the mind shows once again that we are its slaves and not its master.
Nothing has any meaning until you assign meaning to it.
This is something I have learned as part of my studies and one that I am working hard to apply to my life.
I have always been under the impression in my working life that I was never good enough. I didn’t fit in with anyone else. That I was just “Sue” in the front office.
And the events of the past two days has made me cry and reevaluate the meaning that I have assigned to conversations, people and events over the past six and a half years.
A memo was sent out at work informing staff that I had resigned and advertising the position vacancy.
My co-workers have been shocked and have expressed that in a number of ways. The funniest was being met at my car in the car park yesterday morning by a co-worker brandishing the memo and saying “What the f*** is this”? She then wished me luck and went on her way.
Since the memo has been circulated I have felt appreciated.
And I’ve got to say that it’s a good way to feel.
All along I have been placing my perceptions onto things. Perceptions that were incorrect in a lot of cases.
I have learned that self doubt and negative self talk is not good.
I have learned that I need to be kinder to myself.
I have learned that often what we think of ourselves is nowhere near the truth.
I have learned that I am a good person.
I have learned that when we take a situation and magnify it with our perceptions of what we believe it should be it, it becomes distorted.
I have learned that I was wrong.
And I feel great!
suzjones.wordpress.com 
Awesome that you feel good!! Those are all good things to keep in mind too. I’m my own worst critic…just awful in that arena. It’s a matter of survival to finally express our inner desires because if we don’t, we will shrivel up and cease to exist. What’s the point then? I can’t wait to find out what your next chapter holds.
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Me too. Hope it’s better than the last one 🙂
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😀
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An extremely special post Ma’am. But what the f**k is this I hear now of you resigning??? ROFL (again)
That is quite epic – actually – all things considered.
My two cents however:
It is an oddity of life too that we are valued most when we are walking out the door…
It IS human nature I am 99% sure.
Whats that old saying?
‘You never know what you have until it is gone.’
See – we seldom put that onto ourselves I think – but rather like to think of it as us being sure to value what we have – never quite seeing or realising that others in our lives who may seem to not give a rats ass really – actually have just become comfy and do not understand maybe how to treat something or someone as they would – if they knew that thing or person would no longer be there….it can be a damn tough lesson – from both sides of the fence.
But an essential and very rewarding one 😉
So life goes on – and so does Suz!! Yeah!!!
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Unfortunately true. We don’t know what we’ve got till it’s gone but also as the GG tells me, Nobody is irreplaceable lol
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GG sounds like a clever fellow ey 😉
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I’m not going to tell him that though
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NO! You must NOT do that! 😉
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Could create a monster
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Thats cool though then maybe – cos then it could be like the beauty and the beast right? 😛
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In my dreams maybe
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Go read my post called ‘I think of you’ – it is a little something sort of about dreams of such nature!!! Funny how our minds get stuck and conversations kinda flow toward where our thoughts are at! Weird.
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I will get to it – I promise. I’ve just spent three hours downloading music and running out of time on the computer so playing catch up. But yes, it is funny how things all come together when we need them.
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Ah babe – no worries hey. I SO get that!! If you remember – or when sweets 😉
Honestly – I should get to bed – starting my dirty old bad habits again of staying up till past 2 in the morning
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Sleep well.
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great post- it is great to be wrong in this case! You ROCK- and don’t think otherwise-ever!! 😀 ❤
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Thankyou to my biggest cheerleader!! 😀
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I so relate to this! Wish I’d learned as much as you have!
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It’s an ongoing process Helen and unfortunately learning it all at once proves painful.
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This could not have had better timing. I just completed an entire evening/night of feeling terrible about myself…I’m in the way, an idiot, uneducated, and a waste of everyone’s time. It’s been a night. I’d like to think that my perceptions are false, and I’m sure they are. I need to listen and apply these lessons that you have learned.
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We are so unkind to ourselves aren’t we? I hope your day has been better my friend.
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It’s been better. Those days come and go, sometimes more frequently than others,
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I understand. Take care.
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So interesting your blog. And yes agree for many we can be our harshest critic. I had a similar experience leaving my last job where I was inundated by emails and calls and people wrote lovely things about what I had meant to them, and I had had no idea.
So like you I reminded myself to have more confidence in myself, to tone down the critical voice about myself.
What I also thought was how sad it is across thousands of workplaces people are highly valued by others but don’t know and only find out when they leave. What does that say about our workplaces?
And finally better to be surprised by how well others think of us than be highly confident only to find out others think less of you than you do yourself!
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Isn’t it sad that many workplaces are like this. There is so much lack of recognition etc and people feel undervalued. But life goes on – and so will I.
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And sounds like the stronger for the experience
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There have been times when I have felt completely unworthy of anything I have in life. I have felt uglier than sin and a big fat ball of nothing good. Fortunately, this doesn’t happen too often. I usually feel that I’m worth something of value. I usually draw on past conversations I’ve had with my mother when I was a kid. She always made sure to instill in me that I was worthy of anything I wanted and what I wanted to be.
I hope you can draw on this experience you’ve just had every time you feel that dreaded unworthiness.
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Thank you Glynis! 🙂
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Great insights Sue! Val x
When we find ourselves judging then its usually because an important need is not being met. Such as feeling valued! We all have needs as human beings … and when they are met it feels good!
🙂
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Thanks for your insightful comments Val. It is good to be valued.
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Wonderful lessons learned.
“And the mind shows once again that we are its slaves and not its master”
I loved this line, and I’m glad you are taking control. ❤
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I’m working on it. The mind is a bit of a beast to tame however. 🙂
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Oh, I know it!
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How great to be wrong! Now readjust your emotional frame of reference. ❤
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I will work on it my friend. Hugs back at ya.
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A little appreciation goes a long way to self esteem Sue, great thoughtful blog.
I often spend too much time self evaluating my worth, when considering my past.
I seem to do this more as I get older, maybe its a fact with old age.
Regards
Ian
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I believe there are many of us who self-evaluate more than we should Ian. Who are we to say how much we are worth to others? We know the worth of those we love but what gives us the right to put a price on ourselves? Particularly when we put ‘sale’ prices on.
I think we should all believe we are valuable in the scheme of things and then just live our lives.
Of course, when I work out how to do this, I’ll let you know. 😉
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