Right now, I am struggling. There is no reason for this struggle to be occurring however it is.
I’m wondering if it is in fact tied in with the ever-present hormonal highs and lows that are part and parcel of being a woman of a certain, shall we say distinguished, age?
Removing the cumbersome cloud that drapes my shoulders on a regular basis sometimes requires more effort than I am prepared to exert. These days become pyjama and blanket days unless I am forced by some familial obligation to leave the hearth and home and socialise with others as I was required to do yesterday.
I must admit that the combination of laughter, sunshine and being with family worked it’s magic – if only for a short time. Until I returned to my pj’s and blanket at home afterwards.
I am not searching for happiness for I know that this lies within. However, I am pining for some more smiles and laughter to ease the weight of this blasted hormonal cloud.
I (like many women of our distinguished age) am looking for answers without the use of medications or the replacement of hormones etc. Although I have never been officially diagnosed as going through the change my doctor only has to listen to my stories to know that this is so. Oddly enough, I take comfort that we are the same age, my doctor and I. She knows what this is like and doesn’t laugh. She just nods her head sagely and is no doubt reassuring herself that she isn’t going insane after all and there are others out there who feel the same way as she does.
So I believe I have found part of the cause for my missing smiles.
I now have to find a solution.
Apart from enduring back to back episodes of M*A*S*H, Hogan’s Heroes or Mork and Mindy that would see me evicted from my abode by a pitchfork wielding Garden Gnome and an equally hormonal Tween, I have begun looking for those smiles elsewhere.
I am attempting to modify my diet in an attempt to balance these rampant hormones and quell their ardour in making my life miserable. This has assisted in reducing the hot flushes but not the surge of sadness and tears that sometime engulfs me in a metaphorical tidal wave. My quest goes on.
I like to laugh. It’s great fun.
I’m the overly loud laugher that everyone rolls their eyes at. You know the one. There is always one in every family. My family lucked out and got two of us but since my brother and I aren’t often in the same room they have been saved somewhat.
If I really get a good laugh going and snort at the end then you know the joke that elicited this response was a good one.
So in the interest of social propriety, I tend to look for ways to smile and laugh that are highly amusing but not roll-around-the-floor-with-my-legs-crossed type of humour.
There are times that I don’t even need humour at all and just need to see something beautiful to bring a smile to my face.
Like the tiny calf laying beside its mother in the paddock near my sister in-law’s farm that caught my eye the other day. Or the nest that the Willy Wagtails are building in our shade house that is finally beginning to take shape.
Of course, there are the countless photos that have been taken and sent to me by my children over the course of the weekend that have raised a smile. (Not to mention some of the stories I have heard from their escapades together). These have made me smile. And you know how I love to laugh at television commercials?
This is my current favourite that I laugh at all the time.
It is the first of a series and they are all equally as funny (to me) although his double hasn’t made a reappearance just yet.
This week, I am setting myself the challenge of finding five things to smile (or laugh) about each day and then to record them in my gratitude journal. I am hoping to find and keep some joy in my life and then have it on hand for other times I am feeling sad for no reason.
So who is going to join me? Are you up for the challenge?