Patience

Karen Beth at her blog “Finding the Grace Within” has a weekly Tuesday at Ten writing prompt. I have participated in this once or twice in the past but this morning as I read the prompt (yes ladies and gents I have fallen behind in my reading once again) I was reminded of a conversation I had with the First Born the other afternoon. The prompt this week is “Patience”.
I have raised my children to be free thinking and independent and this beautiful young woman embodies all of that. Last Monday she turned 29. I feel so old.
Yes, my daughter frustrates me at times and there are decisions she makes in life that I don’t understand but I love her nonetheless. However there are times that her words wound me.
Over the past week, we have had our oldest two grandchildren staying with us because although they have finished school for the year, Mummy (who is a teacher) still had a half week of professional development and planning to attend. When the grandchildren stay they turn our normally quiet home and regular routines upside down. After all it has been years since we had a young child in our home.
When the First Born came to pick up the children we were in the kitchen baking. My daughter stated that she wasn’t in any hurry and sat on the couch to relax where we joined her once the biscuits (cookies) were in the oven.
We sat there chatting about this and that and conversation turned to various things. My daughter then said to me that she had noticed that I am becoming less tolerant of things in recent times. I asked her what she meant and she replied that I don’t have as much patience with her children as I used to. I replied that I didn’t know what she was talking about and changed the subject.
Even now as I type this, the words are causing me pain all over again.

I was reminded then of a conversation I had had with the Garden Gnome a day earlier about having our Foxtel service being repaired (we’ve had issues with it for a while). He was telling me about the phone call he had just hung up from and  I said something to him. He looked at me and said “You really have no patience do you”?
My first thought was “Pot meet kettle” but I replied “I don’t when they treat us like we are idiots”.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the past couple of days and I wonder whether I am losing my patience with things in general?  I know I have developed a lower tolerance for rudeness and bullsh** in this world that is true but I really didn’t believe that I have no patience.
So many of the great teachers in the world speak words of wisdom about the virtues of patience and as I aspire to be a person of virtue it is unseemly to not have one of the  most important ones right?  How then have I lost this? And even more important, how do I change it?

I often take the time to look behind the reasons that a person speaks or acts in the way that they do. The Teen can’t understand me sometimes as when things happen to bring her to anger, I often speak with her and ask her to look at the situation in a different way in order to quell the fire in her soul. I am trying to teach her that there are many reasons that people act in the wasy that they do and in teaching her this I hope to teach her patience and tolerance for the actions of others.
This is the reason that the words of the First Born have cut so deep.

And so this morning as I was prompted to write this post (thank you Karen Beth) I am in a period of self reflection as I look for the causes of my intolerance of certain situations and people. I guess this is going to take some time.

Thanks for listening. ❤

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42 thoughts on “Patience

  1. At this time of night (10pm)…I have a teenager trying to bake cookies.
    If I am perfectly honest with you Suz Jones. I think they all need to back off. I think YOU need some space and time to recoup and refocus and not be the one holding everyone together…
    THEY need to be patient with YOU for while beautiful. The patience you need – is patience with yourself…and understanding their impatience with you…being a little ‘impatient’. (probably more like going through the motions in a way being so strong – flip!)
    Yes – it IS going to take time…and we will listen (when we flipping remember to pop in for a read to see how you are ❤ )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for stopping in and commenting B. I appreciate it very much. I am just feeling fragile and whiny right now. I will get over it but that prompt just opened it all up again. 😦

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      1. That is ok Suz. I am sure we are allowed to be a little whiny sometimes aren’t we?
        Any way – I did not read it as whiny though!!
        I read it as a gal under pressure to be more than what she needs to be – either through external or internal factors 😉
        And yip – of course you will!!! You told me things take time…you ALSO told me that I should not overthink things so much 😛
        Love you

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Are you inferring that I am reaching a certain age Mr Doob? 😛
      Hindsight tells me that my family sometimes are struggling with their own issues and I happen to be in the firing line. I guess it’s all part of family right? Sorry for whining.

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  2. I know everyone’s situation is different Suzanne, in my situation, if I take on too much and overcommit, the slightest thing, and I lose my patience.
    You shared some very deep feelings, and I have much respect for you in this. Thank you for being you. ((((HUGS))))

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  3. I know that I lose patience and become judging when I lose touch with myself. My ego will tell me otherwise … But my heart knows that I am disconnected with what matters most.
    Time for a pause and space to breathe and be with whatever is coming up. Get that meditation DVD out and create some sacred space for yourself.
    Breathe in compassion and acceptance … Breathe out resistance and let go to what needs to be let go of.
    The answer lies in our loving heart and not our defensive brain…. No matter what other brains tell you Sue!

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    1. Thanks Val. I realise that part of the problem is that I need to re-establish my routines. Too much has happened that has thrown routine out of the window. One step at a time right?

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  4. I don’t see enough of your day to day spontaneus actions/words to be able to tell if your patience has changed. However I will tell you this – stress in humans is cumulative. You’ve recently had a number of serious stressors, for instance the death of a grandchild, Garden Gnome’s change in job status and the subsquent descrimination based on his age and medical status, concerns about personal finances based on present situation, the approach of the major holiday of the year (always stress inducing but additive in this case), the unstable political situation in your country, the tween becomng a teen (changes in behaviour patterns hapening or going to happen, including mercurial emotions), and others. Some of these are normal and recurring (i.e. the holidays) however, on top of the unusual stresses, they are definitely additive.

    Anyway, Suz only you know if this is affecting you and how much. Just pointing it out as a possiblility. Personally, i have found your writing to be stable and informative and calm and reasoned – as well as intesting, of course. 🙂

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    1. Thank you Paul. Gee when you list everything out like that it makes it sound as if I am going to fall apart soon lol
      I appreciate your support. I will get there. Just whining sorry.

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  5. Im pretty sure I have less patience as I get older too. There seems to be much less time for everything these days. When you think about it, if everyone was infinitely patient none of the marvelous things like high speed broadband would ever have been invented so it’s not all a bad thing.

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  6. When I find myself less patient–which translates to absolutely no patience, and I know it–I have too much on my mind that I’m trying to sort through. My daughter knows the exact words that will hurt me to my core, and it’s simply her honesty. Right now, you’re concentrating on the pain and not observing what is going on in your mind when you have less patience. Hahaha! Sounds good coming from the most impatient person I know. However, observing my thoughts is finally something I’ve mastered for the most part, and I’m amazed at what I’ve learned. If that doesn’t work, selective hearing is a possibility.

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  7. Although patience is certainly a virtue, there are times when it should be used. If a person is slow to react to what you need, sure, be patience, but only until you know that the person is misusing your good nature. People do this, you know. And lately, it seems to have become a trend.

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  8. Interesting reading your post Sue. I had no patience to start with even as a young adult but now its even less, I think living on my own hasn’t helped so you are not in the boat alone nor are you at the head of the queue 🙂

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    1. Thanks for making me feel so special Karen 😛
      I had a problem with my temper when I was younger Karen and I worked hard to overcome it. To believe now that my hard work is showing cracks hurts somewhat.

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      1. It is part of our nature and whilst extreme anger and violence are not condoned ,our temper/impatience is part of us and needs to be expressed at times else we bottle everything up. We can do our best to be more careful and mindful but I think you are being too hard on yourself!

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  9. Thank you for another fab post. You have some great feedback in the comments. The only thing I would add is that fo me my patience is one of my best measures of my depression. When I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to treat my friends and family the way I hope to treat them I usually have to step back and do something to take care of myself. I’m pretty sure your family would rather help or skip some preparations in order to have a more balanced hostess. Best wishes for a lovely Christmas with your family.

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    1. Thank you Jeanette. My family are wonderful but I tend to put a lot of added pressure on myself at this time of year also in my effort to make everything perfect for my family. I know that this too shall pass and they will still love me. 🙂

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