Trying not to care

It’s a hard thing trying not to care what others think of you.
It’s something that I struggle with on an almost daily basis.
Deepak Chopra stated:

What others think of you is not your business

He’s right. We all know it.
But inside each of us is that little kernel of negative self belief that makes us care what other think of us.
Interestingly, I read a blog post by Michael Hyatt this morning entitled “Friends, Critics and Trolls” in which he talks about what happens to people who put themselves out there or who are leaders. He acknowledges that criticism hurts but that it is inevitable.
None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes.
If you are in a leadership position then there are going to be times that things occur and those who are under you won’t like it. Maybe even other colleagues will not appreciate your role.

Actually the fact that I read that blog post this morning is really weird because today I walked away from work thinking “Hmmmm. What is she thinking? Have I done/said something that has created an opinion of myself in her mind that I won’t like?”
We all want to be liked but let’s face it… we live in a world where we are all so vastly different. Very few people do things like you, say things like you or react to situations in the same way as you would. Whatever we do in the world is going to be scrutinised by others. It’s human nature to look at others and evaluate what they have done and their motives for doing so.Β Therefore it stands to reason that people are not always going to think of us with warm, fuzzy thoughts.

And so, I walk away from today and say “Well, I did the best I could with the knowledge that I have. I am acting in the way in which I would normally act. I am me. Nobody else. I am happy with my life and that is all that matters”.
Of course, I could be imagining all of this but really….. why lose sleep over it all?

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42 thoughts on “Trying not to care

  1. I suppose if we did not care to a degree about how we are perceived, there is a possibility that the world would be a real shitty place full of horrible people not caring a thing about how they affect others. We kinda instinctively know that who we are and our actions affect others – just as theirs affect us. The thing is (I think) that we have to be the ‘bad’ sometimes in peoples eyes as that is what they need to progress to wherever their journey takes them…and that is the essence of being true to yourself. It isn;t about what people think of us it is about how we affect them. How they perceive us is teaching them something they need to see, either about themselves or others they may come to face. SO if we are concerned about being understood or not seen in a negative life – we somehow are almost being selfish in not giving the real role of who we are in that moment as we are present in their lives. I dunno hey – I kinda just find it easier to look at it that way rather than…’Seriously?? You thought THAT about me?? SHit 0 is that how I come across?’ LOL.
    But – it IS that balance isnt it? Taking that onboard to sometimes and thinking…hmmmm…. now what truth is there in this – maybe I AM a condescending tart sometimes πŸ˜› (I refer to myself here babe – you could not be condescending if you tried!) and then I also have to think… hmmm – maybe I am not! Maybe it IS their perception of themselves that makes them feel condescended upon. (or mine as the case may be when I feel condescended upon!)

    Shooble doo – on we go… πŸ™‚

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  2. I so agree! One of the best lessons in life I have learned, and I try to teach to children is that you can’t control (and shouldn’t try) what other people feel or think. You can only control what you think and feel and try to make the best choices you can. Once I actually practiced what I was preaching, I dropped a lot of anger I was carrying around. We do care what other people think because we are social animals and crave acceptance. But, you can’t give it too much power. Keep it in perspective.

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  3. Yeah, I’m with IW — it’s part of the journey. If what we think about others has so much more to do with ourselves and our own faults, then it must be also true for others who think whatever of us. We can only do our best, and apologize when we’ve been wrong.
    I think it’s worth noting that we don’t all share the same values or passion for the same things, which is of course, what makes the world tick along, and we can’t be responsible for hitting a nerve we didn’t know was even there. And who would want to be what someone else wants them to be? Our aspirations for growth should be motivated by our own experiences and not someone else’s expectations.

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  4. It doesn’t bother me what others think, it’s what they say about me and whether or not it’s correct. I’ve been the victim of some vile, accusations with no basis in fact and believe me they do more damage to the self than what others may think.

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  5. I think it is very difficult to really let go of what other people think. I also think it is a process, one that becomes easier the more we consciously realize the futility…”try pleasing everyone and you end up pleasing no one.”

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  6. The trolls must be feeling the spring air or something – I had one (not on the blog, but on FB) and yeah, it is horrid. Hard to ignore but you just have to!
    We all get that feeling you mentioned, don’t worry too much about it. If there really is a problem you will have a chance later on to ask, and solve the issue. Or not! Sometimes we just rub each other the wrong way.

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  7. I’m thinking you are amazing. You have something unique to bring to the table. An individual unlike any other. Self-hate and feeling unworthy are a couple of my demons. However, we are all worthy. If we treat others as we want to be treated, and there just happens to be one bad apple here or there, try to consider what is going through their minds (I’m referring to trolls, here). Not only are they saying these things with anonymity, but maybe their mind is in a depressed state or some form of narcissism. Maybe they have a heightened sense of unworthiness. Personally, when I have been suffering from depression, I can be a nasty person. Not outwardly, but my thoughts sure aren’t kind–I keep those thoughts to myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I tend to become very self centred when I am feeling depressed April so I understand what you are saying. It is a hard thing to be constantly upbeat and happy some days and lately I have been finding myself saying things that I know that I shouldn’t. I berate myself in my journal for doing so. It’s a huge learning curve for sure.

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