As much as I’d like to say that life is filled with sunshine and rainbows, I can’t in all honesty look you in the eye and lie.
Life sucks sometimes.
Yes, the sunshine and rainbows are there. They are always there. However in the midst of our search to find them, we have to part the rain and storm clouds to get there.
Some wonderful politician in an attempt to relate to the general public, once pontificated that “Life wasn’t meant to be easy”.
Well if that’s not truth from a pollie, I don’t know what is.
The past week or so has been a roller coaster for us here.
I’m working hard. Donna Summer is on repeat in my subconscious singing “She works hard for the money” ha ha
Seriously though, nursing is hard work. And whilst things are tough at work since going into another lockdown due to the ‘flu, then I am doing more nursing shifts than lifestyle and activities shifts. That’s difficult to wrap my head around. It’s certainly a lot more physical I can tell you.
And once again in my life, I am dealing with death.
It is heart wrenching to spend time with people every day and then one day come to work to find that they have passed over night. You can tell me that it’s the nature of the line of work that I am in all you like, but it still hurts.
Over the past two days, I have sat at the bedside of one of my favourite residents (you’re not supposed to have favourites but come on.. we’re human beings after all) and held her hand as she moves closer to death. As I write this, she may even have passed.
I have held her hand and thanked her for the times that she has made me laugh. I’ve sung to her and stroked her hair as I have watched death take further hold upon her body.
And I have cried. Tears have rolled down my cheeks and been caught up in my face mask.
I have cried by myself and I have cried with those I work with. We have shared group hugs and individual hugs and then we continue on with our duties sporting red-rimmed eyes.
Growing older is not for the faint-hearted.
And it is just as hard for those of us who are younger.
Watching family members deteriorate in health and mind is harrowing as well. Sadly, we are dealing with this right now in our little world. It is heart breaking.
And the guilt that comes with sourcing aged care because we can no longer care for them is indescribably hard.
I can be trained to the nth degree in dementia and aged care but when it comes to family, most of the rules seem to fly out the window.
It becomes a heart versus head challenge.