Two of my favourite blogging friends and I (and anyone else who wished to join in) have challenged ourselves to a Zen Christmas. So far I think April from Finding Beauty in Spite of Myself and Me – Who am I? are doing quite well. I’m not sure that I’m doing as well. The weekend just past has been constant. I have visited, wrapped, shopped, baked and sewed (except for Saturday afternoon that was far too hot to do anything except lay on the couch under the fan). Last night I found myself beginning to get teary. It’s like I’m putting pressure on myself for everything to be perfect. I baked the fruit cake last night. The fruit has been soaking in rum for the past week and I figured I had better get it baked or there would be no cake this year. Last year, I tried a new recipe and received so many compliments on it, I decided that I would use the same recipe this year. I got to the spooning in the tin stage and realised I’d forgotten the walnuts. *sigh* Oh well. We can live without nuts. Then my oven decided it would bake the cake faster than I’m sure its meant to be baked. Even though I pulled it out far earlier than the recommended baking time, I think it may be a little dry. Why am I worrying? My family will eat it. I know they will. But I wanted it to be perfect. Then there is the cushion for my MIL. I have unpicked that thing twice but finally got it right last night. I finished up only to find that the binding hadn’t caught properly underneath. Rather than unpick it all to do it again, I am going to finish it off with hand sewing. The tears threatened at that point. They really did. I didn’t get the apricot balls and rum balls made. The Tween made the apricot balls. Now I’m concerned we won’t have enough so I am going to send the GG and the Tween out to get more ingredients today so that I can make more tonight. Tonight I have to ice the cake, make the Yule log for work and make the rum balls. I feel guilty because I haven’t had the opportunity to do much of the housework yet. The GG told me not to worry. That he and the Tween will get it all done for me but I worry that I should have done it myself. I know I need to cut myself a break. I do.
So I am saying to myself…. breathe…..breathe…..breathe…..